Despite the countless number of books, seminars and years of work towards finding a better way to experience relationships, the relationship struggle is still on everyone's mind and in everyone's heart. Relationships are at the core of all that we experience in this world. Every thought, feeling, word and action is motivated by our relationship with God, ourselves or someone else. A fulfilling life comes from having fulfilling relationships in mind, body and spirit. The topic of relationships is a major key of A Course In Miracles. Why would a book on Spiritual psychology and the attainment of Inner Peace focus on relationships? Simply because our salvation, peace of mind, and experience of unconditional love all depend on having healed, healthy, empowering relationships. To achieve this you must first find at least a part of your True Self. Then, you must be willing to relate to people without attaching or projecting your past issues, experiences and perceptions onto them.

You can have joyful, passionate relationships. However, you will only get back that which you put in. Further, you must have a goal in mind. If you are only putting in limiting goals such as physical comfort, having someone to make you feel better, someone to distract you from your own internal issues, etc.… then what you have is an unhealthy, codependent relationship. How do you know if this includes you?

All relationships go through three stages. The first stage is typical, human love with everything looking and going well. You think about that person a great deal. They make you feel better inside and out. Most of your time is spent on positive, agreeable conversations; making love; nice dinners and so forth.

The second stage is when "the honeymoon is over". Your ego now calls for retribution for the momentary bliss. It's as though your ego was only renting you the seeming good time and now arrives for payment. Of course, you have no idea what's going on! You're too busy gazing into each others eyes or perhaps you are too distracted by the sense of discomfort that is now starting to present itself. Now the relationship will be tested and it will take one of two directions. You will either move on, part ways and put blame on each other or you will hang in there and commit to healing. If you allow the issues that begin to arise between the two of you to take priority over your love, then you'll know that you were not really there with as much unconditional love as you thought. Instead, you were either there to work on issues from your past relationships or to build a false hope of a future. Both of these motives keep you from trusting and expressing your True Self in the present. If love is truly your goal, then you will usually find the strength and clarity to push ahead and find the love you sought.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone puts themselves through these stages and tests at some time or another. Rarely do we hear about someone who is experiencing a relationship that is not past based or future driven but instead resides in the present moment with love as the focus--without expectations of filling voids or playing out old patterns. This is where the third stage comes in. Here is where you have made it your priority to be a whole being. Love Divine is your goal with patience and forgiveness as your guide. With such powerful allies, it's nearly Impossible to fail! That is, unless you allow the ego to side-track you--which it will attempt to do every step along the way. Fortunately, there are those who have partners who are willing to join them on this most difficult adventure. With two or more joined in one focus of love, you certainly increase the potential of a joyful outcome and decrease the amount of work involved. However, this does not mean that you "need" the other person to agree with your chosen goal. This, of course, would not be very unconditional. If they refuse to walk the path of empowerment and forgiveness, let them be. They will take their issues and lessons with them as will you if you refuse the path of healing.

So why do we have these dysfunctional, codependent relationships in the first place? It's part of our history and patterning. We believe that we parted ways with God. Then we lost our identity of our True Self--which became our Spiritual Inner Child, lost and afraid. We are then birthed into families whom we expect to fix our brokeness only to find that they only compound our issues. Then we grow up and ask why our adult relationships seem so painful rather than serving as a remedy for life's discomforts. The answer is that we were never given the chance to be anything other than the manifestation of the fears and brokeness that we have developed for so long. These patterns will remain such until we have taken them along with us on the road to healing. The company that you choose on this road might be a therapist, healer, teacher, or intimate partner but it must be made clear that you should definitely share the journey with someone. Of course there is always some processing that you might choose to do alone.

When you commit to healing your life, you will find that you must face the dark part (i.e. false beliefs) of yourself. You can learn to walk through the darkness and into the light. The same goes for your relationships. If you want your relationships to be fulfilling, then you must let them fulfill their two purposes. The first is to bring about whatever healing they are presenting. The second is to let yourself reap the rewards of doing the work, allowing the healing and committing to experiencing love in your life. When you accomplish this, you will feel whole and healed. You relation is no longer based on fear and dysfunction but instead on love and wholeness. Passion and joy are no longer temporary distractions that the ego can demand payment for. Your debt has now been paid. The relationship is yours. You own it! Now you choose to share it with God, with all parts of yourself and yes, with others whom you feel will recognize and appreciate it.

Does this mean that everyone around you will be at exactly this level of relating? Not necessarily! In fact, you can assume that the rest of the world is not yet comfortable with the concept of healthy, unconditional relationships. Others (including family, friends and lovers) may still struggle to understand the difference of how you choose to relate in comparison to how the rest of the world relates. They might often still want to tell you who to love and how to love. But in your new, healthy state of being, you are in a perpetual state of LOVE. To have a partner or not have a partner is all the same and holds no desperate energy. You are no longer relating out of neediness. There is no longer codependence driven by dysfunction. There is only a focus on sharing. Each person will eventually learn to share their True Self with whomever they feel will benefit from the experience and each will take responsibility for what they gain or what limits they impose. This level of taking personal responsibility dissolves unhealthy codependence and provides each person with an opportunity to create a safe, fulfilling relationship.